Finding our ‘why’ at The Connected Family

I recently worked with a mom and her high school son who were struggling with their relationship. The mom was fed up with her son’s messes, his weed use, how he treated his little sister, and his disrespect. The son was fed up with his mom blowing up, her forcing him to have conversations when he didn’t want to, and feeling like his little sister got away with too much stuff.

They were going round and round, feeling aggravated and annoyed with each other.

Then, something shifted. The mom started to find her calm and learned to watch and wait for when her son was open for conversations with her. She practiced going to his room and entering gently, hanging out, being open to listen, and committing to herself to not be reactive.

Her son started opening up at home and in session. It turned out that under all his loud, offensive behaviors, there was a kid who was sad, scared, and mad about stuff going on in his life and in his family. He felt guilty about how rude he was to his mom sometimes, because he really did love her. In times of calm, he could open up and own his feelings and his actions.

At the same time, the mom got much firmer about following through with the limits she set on some of her son’s behaviors. She did so in a calm, loving way. She meant business and set rules. When her son violated them, instead of getting mad and blowing up, she got quiet, loving, and let him experience the uncomfortable consequences.

This beautiful shift in a mother-son relationship came from the mom making shifts from the inside out. She had always been acting from love, but when she got loud and mad, it was hard for her son to feel her love. When she found her calm and created more safe, open space for him to share, their relationship shifted for the better. At the same time, she actually became firmer and he learned essential life lessons.

This mother and son embody why Palmer and I have joined forces. When parents can show up in a way that is powerful and loving, and kids feel seen and heard, you have the makings for a close, connected family that kids want to come home to.

Is it quick? No. Is it easy? Heck no. But was it deeply satisfying for that mom to make that pivot in her relationship? A resounding yes!

From our hearts, we are here to support you in finding that calm and strength that fuels connection with your kid.

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Kerry Stutzman
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