In today’s email, I want to share a realization I’ve had about what truly matters in parenting.
I wish they had told me that parenthood is about the little things.
I used to think that parenting was about raising a good kid. Responsible. Successful. Smart. Kind. Good values. Yada, yada, yada. Now I know that parenting is really about a million little things. My two-year-old whirlwind falling asleep on my chest. The joy of knowing I’m better than a security blanket. My four-year old’s hand slipping into mine. Watching my children learn something new (rolling over, taking a step, riding a bike, getting a job, buying a house). Being able to not give a rip about what’s going on in the rest of the world because I’m rocking my baby and that’s all that matters at the moment. The exhale when my teenager walks in the door on a Saturday night, safe and sound. The little wrinkle on the side of my ‘tween’s eye as he looks away out the car window, trying not to admit that I’ve made him laugh.
Even now that my kids are big, it’s still about the little things: answering the phone to hear “Mom” in Keaton’s low voice. Landon’s text that says, “I love you, too.” Tucking in under Palmer’s chin when I hug him. Having any of the six kids + three significant others choose to spend time with me.
I love the quote: Enjoy the little things for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things.
This parenting gig is about the little things. It’s about real kids being raised by real, imperfect parents, not some character in a show who always has the perfect line. It’s about real people who are working to hang on to their sanity and enjoy this crazy, up and down, wild ride of the most aggravation and also the most open-hearted, crazy in-love feelings we’ll ever know.
I wish they had told me to give up on being a great mom.
I had a lot of mom-guilt. I thought I should be great at this. I mean, I had always wanted to be a mom, so I should be good at it, right? Then a wise woman, Joyce Vissell, said to me, “Kerry, I’ve worked with mothers for 35 years. I’ve worked with a lot of really wonderful mothers. But I have yet to meet one who would SAY that she is great at it. This was so important for me to hear. I decided to drop my unreasonable expectation that I should FEEL like a great mom. After that, I tried to just focus on tallying up “good mothering moments.” So instead of giving myself an overall grade for the day (which never lived up to my impossible expectations), I started noticing the good little moments of humor, kindness, presence, and patience. If I had collected more of those than my “bad mothering moments,” I would have called it a good day.
I know that it’s hard to give ourselves credit for parenting well because there are always those moments that we’re not proud of. But can I please invite you to consider that you might be doing a better job than you give yourself credit for? Can I invite you to focus on the little moments of being sweet and present, regardless of what’s happening in your kids’ bigger world? And can I invite you to keep track of the “good parenting moments” and give yourself credit for those?
Wishing you a good day, you lovely, imperfect parent who is doing better than you give yourself credit for.🥰
