I want you to imagine someone shows up at your door tomorrow and says you are going to do a 12 year long lecture series (K-12) where you go for 6-8 hours per day, have work to do in the evening after the lecture series for the following day’s lectures (homework), you don’t get paid to go, legally have to go, but you do get a certificate at the end of it which will qualify you to be able to go to another 2-12 years of lecture series (college) that will require you to pay thousands and thousands of dollars (tuition)🙃. Sounds like so much fun right? Even if you were beyond excited about the topics, imagine sitting still in that room for all those hours day after day.
That’s pretty much what school is… and I guess I’d add in doing that while trying to balance hormones and working with an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex just to make it interesting.
ADHD or not, that’s a hard sell if you really think about it. I STILL struggle to sit still for more than an hour or two straight even when it’s something that I want to do. In school growing up it felt BRUTAL. I tried to get out of school and assignments every chance I could.
However, all this being said, I know that the world we live in generally requires us to graduate high school or take a high school equivalency exam. Some people love school (like the girl I married) and others are trying to find a way to not let it all come crashing down on them (like me). Why I chose to go to grad school is a different conversation. And just to be clear I think school is very important and helps us develop many different skills: academically, professionally, socially, and more. This email is focused on acknowledging how it can be hard for kids.
So my thoughts are that regardless if your kid loves school, struggles dearly with it, or is somewhere in between I want you to have two things on your mind. One is to think about how going back to school might feel for your kid and how it does come with a list of challenges. Then additionally, I want to share a few ideas on how you can help make the start of the new school year one that is empowering and supportive to them.
1 – Sharing encouraging words with your kid in the morning. This can be a note, a text, or conversation. Taking a few moments to remind your kid of their strengths and the security they have in you can help them feel more able to take on challenges throughout their day.
2 – Establish routine wherever you can. One of the most common things I hear students share with me is that they do better when they have structure. Unfortunately they also sometimes push back hard when they feel forced. So as much as you can establish those routines with them please do. This can sometimes be a conversation that involves saying “we are going to do “X” but when would it work best for you for your schedule”. Makes it happen but gives them some say in the matter.
3 – Building time for check-ins that don’t have strings attached. Kid’s want to be able to share what goes on in their life, not always with their parents though. However, finding little moments where you ask open ended questions and don’t give unasked for advice can be a game changer. Open-ended questions vs closed questions is essential. If they can answer it in one word they will.
4 – Promote Balance throughout their life. This can mean helping them stay or get involved in clubs or social groups. Or what’s more likely in your control is helping them find ways to relax and recharge that don’t just involve screens (some of that is totally good in my book). This could be you guys passing the football after dinner, it could be you sharing ways you find balance in your own life and why it’s important to you, it could be creating a tradition where one night a week you guys go try a new dessert place after dinner.
Also very exciting is that my mom and I were invited back to launch off the Cherry Creek Schools Parenting Information Network this year on September 3rd. We will be presenting in person our “Family Vision Workshop: Crafting the Close-Knit Family You’ve Always Wanted” and is free to you 🤗I will let my mom share more on that next week so I don’t accidentally have you show up at the wrong place 😅
I hope you have an amazing day and let me know if you have any questions about starting the school year strong!
