Sometimes s**t happens.
Yes, you got me, Palmer today!
I wanted to share some thoughts I have about the various expectations we have – as parents, friends, spouses, neighbors, strangers, siblings, and ourselves.
Last week it was my week to write our Sunday email but somehow Saturday night came after a very busy week, I was at dinner with my friend who was visiting town, and we had a few things planned for the evening…and then I got a text from my mom asking if the email was good to go 😳yeahhhh I hadn’t started.
I’m no stranger to being in that position, a few months ago I remembered I hadn’t done one as I was going to bed and ended up staying up until 3 am finishing it and if I am being honest it was more like 5 am since I fell asleep at one point. That didn’t feel great or very responsible. I did get a lot of positive feedback on that email for what it was worth. 😅
This time though, as I sat there staring at my bowl of ramen with my hands on my head, my mom texted me and said it was okay if we skipped this week and I should just enjoy my time with my friend. Okay to not be perfect?? I felt bad and I had a hard time giving myself permission because I like to hold myself to a high standard. But my mom’s grace with me helped me to have grace with myself. It felt like a big deal but…the world kept on turning.
I think all individuals should hold themselves to a high standard because we often sell ourselves short of what we are capable of and will rise or fall to what we believe we can achieve. At the same time I saw this quote I really liked that reminded me of what can also be true when having high expectations for ourselves – “Excellence does not require perfection.” -Henry James.
I’m not saying you can take it or leave when it comes to picking your kid up from school or providing them a meal. But my guess is that you are doing dang near your best and sometimes that might fall short of your expectations for yourself as a parent, spouse, friend, neighbor, etc. My mom wanted to never be the parent who yelled…sometimes she yelled. She didn’t want to be the parent who said the wrong things…sometimes she said the wrong things. And even though she wasn’t perfect, all of us have a great relationship with her. I honestly think he mess ups and the nurturing way she would often make amends is one of the biggest reasons her and I are so close today.
The last thing I will say is that something I see most kids struggle with is feeling like if they mess up or fail it’s unacceptable. I am not sure what you model with your responses to falling short – but adjusting for your kid’s age and then sharing with them the times you fell short, what you did to right the ship, and demonstrate it’s okay to fail, because this will have lasting impacts on your kids. Failure is inevitable but most of us act like it’s unacceptable. Have high expectations for yourself; and for you and those around you please be nice to yourself when you fail and show others that it’s just a part of life.
I hope you have a perfectly imperfect day 😊
