In my therapy office recently, a mom and her 16-year-old daughter discussed their Love Languages. This was relevant to improving their relationship because understanding your teen’s preferred way of receiving and giving love (words, acts, time, gifts, touch) can strengthen your relationship.
Mom’s Love Language is “Acts of Service.” So when she delivers her daughter’s clean and folded laundry to her room, it feels like an act of love. So many of her mom-tasks feel like she is showering love on her daughter. Imagine how she feels when those lovingly folded clothes end up strewn about on his floor. It’s like she has taken her love, dumped it upside down, and tossed it around. Might it be reasonable to expect that she’d get fired up about those clothes lying on the floor? Yep! I mean, those aren’t just clothes, they are her demonstrations of love. But to her daughter, It means nothing. They are just clothes.
On the other hand, the daughter’s Love Language is “Quality Time.” Acts of Service mean little to her, but she loves it when her mom spends time with her watching a show, cooking together, and going places. So if she asks her mom to hang out and she’s busy, she feels rejected and not loved.
Yikes! If we don’t know our kids’ Love Languages, we miss so many opportunities to help them feel our love deep inside their complicated, sometimes confusing hearts.
Suggestion: Have your family members take the Love Language test. Here’s the link. I recommend that you take the teen version because it gives more detailed scoring.
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