The things I hear from parents about their ‘tweens and teens:
“She can be so mean.”
“When he’s in a bad mood, he dominates our family.”
“ I love her but I don’t like being around her.”
“I can’t stand how they talk to me.”
“I’m embarrassed about how he acts and I worry what people think of me.”
“I’m worried our relationship won’t ever be as close again.”
“He can be so rude.”
“I miss my kids being little.”
Oh, the stress and heartache of parenting, especially of ‘tweens and teens.
When my kids were little, looking at them usually melted my heart a little.
Their faces were my favorite faces on the planet.
I could FEEL my open, loving heart and how I delighted in them and I’m guessing they could feel it, too.
In the ‘tween and teen years, however, when I looked at my kids’ faces, sometimes I saw Disdain – Annoyance – Glares – Avoidance of eye contact.
In those moments, I didn’t feel delight or my heart melting. Instead, I felt Guarded – Crushed – Worried – Fed up – Mad. And just like my loving and delighted state of being transmitted to my kids – my mad, fed up and worried states transmitted, too.
Right? Are you with me?
If our state of being communicates, what must our kids be receiving from us in those hard times? It’s probably not something that makes them feel closer to us.
Ok, in all fairness, it’s ok for parents to be humans and feel what they feel. Not even Mother Teresa felt warm and loving all the time.
There is a quick practice you can do to increase the percentage of times that your challenging kids look at you and can feel your love, regardless of what is going on in their world.
This practice is a gift from a mentor of mine, Joyce Vissell. She taught me this when I had a babe in arms and it’s gotten me through many rough patches with my kids.
If you have 3 minutes to give it a try, click play.
