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Self-Therapy Technique for Staying Calmer

One quick self-therapy skill that I love is called “Past-Present-Future” and I’d like to share it in case you, too, could use a new skill in your toolbox for shifting states of mind. It’s a simple little skill and we can do it solo or with a friend or partner.

Parenting Skills

Living with Teens

Parents, all I can say is "Wow, now I get it."

You parents somehow find a way to balance activities, logistics, kids’ plays and recitals, cooking, travel plans, and all the overtime hours that go into making the holiday season special and it is incredible to me. I truly don’t understand how you do it all.

Our Why

Our mission at the Connected Family is to give you the tools and support that you need in building a close, connected family that your kids want to come home to. We address self awareness, parenting skills, and healthy relationships in all of our lessons.

Parenting Skills

Living with Teens

Meaningful Thanksgiving with Tweens and Teens

How do we teach our kids, especially our teens who are dialed into it all, to hold both the light and the shadow? I want to model for my kids that we can experience joy at the same time that we hold space for suffering. 💛 One is not at the expense of the other; we can do both.

Parenting Skills

The Freedom to Fail

Can you think of a moment in your life that was a catalyst for your confidence? My intention for this post isn’t to just share my journey of change, but to highlight how impactful even just one or two catalysts for confidence can be for a kid.

Parenting Skills

“That Kid”: Two Sides of the Story

I know that tweens and teens sometimes have a hard time letting their parents into their inner world. And that can be scary as a parent. How do we get past those walls and really understand what our kids might be experiencing?

Parenting Skills

Living with Teens

A Glimpse Into The Mind of a 15 Year Old

I know that tweens and teens sometimes have a hard time letting their parents into their inner world. And that can be scary as a parent. How do we get past those walls and really understand what our kids might be experiencing?

Parenting Skills

Living with Teens

What do teens wish their parents knew?

We asked teens “What do you wish your parents knew?” Young people described still feeling little inside and wanting their parents to be comforting home base, even though to their parents they seem to have no interest in that.

Parenting Skills

It's the journey, not the destination

It's vital to commend our kids' efforts and not just the end result. Imagine your teen puts in weeks of hard work for a project and doesn't get the result they hoped for. If their parent's encouragement is purely result-driven, they might think, "I failed, so I am a failure."

Parenting Skills

My 13-year old Can’t Stand Me

I am in a really hard corner of parenting - my 13 year old daughter, who I have loved and adored since the day she was born - cannot stand me. Everything I say is met with eye rolls, every request I make is countered with a snarky "Why don't you do it?" All she seems to care about is her phone/iPad and her friends. How can I get her to connect with me - we used to have such a great time together!

Back to School Blues: Balancing Acts, Emotions, and Coffee Breaks.

While saying goodbye to summer and entering into busier schedules can be a tough transition for kids, it’s ALSO a tough transition for parents! I’ve had several of my teen clients' parents tell me that they find themselves harping on their kids more during the school year because it feels like there are more “must do's” than during the summer. This can cause more friction and distance with their kid.

Parenting Skills

Living with Teens

Lighter fluid and yogurt bowls

Living with teens and tweens can provide us with never-ending opportunities to practice keeping our cool over a wide range of aggravating behaviors. Sometimes we end up losing our cool because we are defending the honor of one of our kids. Sometimes it’s because we are determined to teach our kids valuable life lessons. There are so many reasons we lose it and no quick fixes.

Parenting Skills

Living with Teens

Swore you’d never yell at your kids?

Before I had kids, I swore I would never yell as a parent. Well… I clearly didn’t realize what parenting teens would actually be like. It’s hard! There would be times I found myself throwing all my parenting skills out the window and yelling at my kids when I was overloaded with frustration. It felt like the first time I ordered Ikea furniture and thought it was such a great deal. Then I got it and realized it was going to be much more work than I thought.

Homebase

If WE want a warm, peaceful home base, we can focus on creating it inside our very own self. Our kids are not the only ones who need a loving, secure home base. We do, too. In fact, one of the ultimate best things we can do for our kids while they are still home is to do the work on ourselves to be loving, peaceful, and secure.

Parenting Skills

Meet Your Kids Where They Are

There is no “one size fits all” solution for helping kids grow into the best versions of themselves. How a parent responds to their child’s temperament corresponds to how the child shapes their personality.

Parenting Skills

Living with Teens

What to do when your teens are rude?

If you don’t like how you typically respond to your kids, do the opposite. If you tend to act like a cat getting its tail twisted with voice raised and claws bared, practice dropping your voice. Slow down your response. Say something limit-setting like, “It doesn’t feel good when you talk to me like that. I’d like to talk about this later.” This only works if you say it in a calm voice,

Parenting Skills

Teen Rejection will Challenge our Parenting Skills

I hate to admit it, but when my kids were little, it was the first time I really felt popular. All the "mommy do it" felt great. It was sort of exhausting, but it was also so sweet and there was so much love from my boys. I also hate to admit how as they morphed into teenagers and started pushing away, I felt so rejected at times. I was surprised at how personal and painful it felt when my boys had such disdain for me. Yes, I knew it was a normal part of their development, but it still hurt.

Living with Teens

Teens and tweens can be so many things

Tweens, teens and twenty somethings can be so many things. Some of those “things” can drive us nuts. But one of those “things” they can be is: FUN! FULL OF LIFE!

Parenting Skills

What to Do if Your Kid Leaves Dirty Dishes Laying Around

There are times when a parent has no clue what to do. This especially happens when our innocent babies and precious toddlers become willful and defiant ‘tweens and teens. Kids capable of making choices out of laziness and disregard for their parents. So, what do you do when your kid leaves dirty dishes lying around? Let’s learn from this Dad!

Parenting Skills

An activity that will transform your family

Over three decades of research have shown that __________ offers a wide variety of physical, social-emotional and academic benefits. While some of these benefits can be gained through other activities, __________ is the only single activity that is known to provide all of them at the same time. Only about 30% of families do this activity. Any guesses??? The answer is… regular family meals ?

Living with Teens

Parenting Skills

The sun is shining, and the chaos is beginning

When parents can show up in a way that is powerful and loving, and kids feel seen and heard, you have the makings for a close, connected family that kids want to come home to.

Parenting Skills

Living with Teens

Finding our 'why' at The Connected Family

When parents can show up in a way that is powerful and loving, and kids feel seen and heard, you have the makings for a close, connected family that kids want to come home to.

A mother's love isn't always logical.

This email is in celebration of those extra special rockstars we call mothers. I wanted to write this one because, as you probably know by now, I had an interesting relationship with my mom growing up. Now being where I am at age 25, I have a number of thoughts I hope all moms can have a chance to hear.

Parenting Skills

Living with Teens

I caught my teen drinking. Now what?

Parenting teens is terrifying sometimes. It can make us long for the days when our kids were little and we actually had some control over keeping them safe. Teenage drinking is one of those areas we wish we could make the decisions for our kids, but we can’t. As a family therapist and parent coach, I often see parents catch their kid drinking and respond with anger and removal of the kid’s phone.

Parenting Skills

Things I've learned while raising 5 boys

Today is about boys. Living with five of them has taught me to see the world differently than this girlie-girl of a boy mom would have seen the world before living in boy-land.

Parenting Skills

Reclaiming Myself to Bring out the Best in Your Kids

I remembered a journal entry from one frustrating morning when my oldest two sons were one and four: “I’ve lost an important part of myself. I love my little boys with all of my being and I love being a full-time mom. But before I was a mom, I focused so much on my spiritual growth. Classes, church, quiet time, sweat lodges, loads of reading. Now I don’t. I’ve lost time to do that. I miss that part of me. I don’t feel quite whole without it.”

An Open Letter to My Son About Marriage

This will be a week I remember forever. My middle son and his fiancee' will be surrounded by their loved ones in the Colorado Rockies as they marry each other. Five years ago when I first looked her up on Facebook after he told me her name, I did not know if she would be a passing fancy or something more. Little did I know that this sweet young woman would become a beloved part of our family and that I would love her like a daughter. Let’s learn from this Dad!

Kerry Stutzman, LMFT, Parentologist and Palmer Skudneski, youth success coach, have teamed up to help parents bring their best selves to family life. Through their work together, they will help to re-wire the frayed connections that too often trip up communications during those challenging years as our youth navigate the path to becoming adults.

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